You can use the following form to apply for membership. Note that no astronauts are allowed to apply for membership, and can only be granted membership under a certain specific set of circumstances.
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Previous Membership Applications: Why are you deserving of membership?
- I’ll buy beer
- because Tom’s wife told me about Drowning Man 2010, it sounds quite interesting and if nothing else, I know how to make fire and drink beer. (and how to sink a truck into the gulf of mexico – but that’s an entirely different trip, for details, please ask Mr. Campbell to explain).
- Im really not but what the hell
- I don’t read books-I write books than nobody reads(grant books) It is exciting to find a group that sees the humor in the every day events that some might find ,well exceptional are actually common in an insane sort of way. Even if you reject my desire to join your party -please keep me posted to your adventures-The B.E.S. is worth reading. Thanks
- I have made several expeditions to the frozen tundras north of the United States to observe and document the local species of Hominid. They have an archaic form of language which sounds like crude attempts to replicate our own native tongue. Their religion is a strange one involving worship of a tree-goddess named Maple and is based on a ritual of sliding around the ice on sharpened blades of steel whilst hitting a small slab of rubber with a large stick. They believe the rubber slab to be symbolic of the Earth’s flight through the cosmos. A truly curious race, with the backing of the Bacliff Exploration Society, I hope to eventually make friendly contact with these strange peoples in an effort to expand the knowledge and territories of our own humble nation.
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I’ve been considering this application for some time, and I have decided that I would elaborate on what makes me unique, and how I believe I can enhance the Society and its projects. On that note, I would like to list all the superpowers I have.
- Breaking Random Number Generators*. Apparently, I have the ability to affect random number generators, producing statistically unlikely sequences. This appears to affect all kinds of computerized pseudorandom and analog (natural, e.g., atmospheric) generators, and is inconsistent in intensity. The most obvious representation of this anomaly is in my MP3 player and car stereo, where I can put my music collection on random. The resulting mix will oscillate between upbeat, peppy songs, and depressed or angry songs, with a frequency of two songs. The amplitude between happy and sad songs increases, until toward the end it hits me with three or four songs in a row of the most depressed, quiet and mournful quality, immediately followed my Weird Al.
- Static Electricity Generation*. I have a long history of generating static electricity, as everyone else does. What sets me apart is the ability to do this while sitting stationary in a chair, wearing benign clothes (no wool or polyester); over time periods ranging from several hours to only a few minutes, I can build up charges strong enough to kill small mammals. This may or may not have contributed to me sitting next to the AED operator in my office (either he is a countermeasure for me, or I am a backup power supply; I am not sure).
- Proofreading. I’m a Zen god at it, and baby, I can go all night. (I should note that so far your website looks fine, certainly above par for the internet, but I am still willing to offer my services for the future. I have editorial experience from my college newspaper that my prove helpful with the Bacliff Journal of Science)
(* – These powers have not yet been tamed to a point where I can use them intentionally. I have high hopes for the future.)There are others, but those are the most interesting ones. I welcome questions, answers, and good jokes. - Only I can stop Tom from destroying the sun with reverse-ham-radio waves.
Bacliff Exploration Society Membership Levels
- 0th Degree: You used a hash tag that originated in an ESOB tweet.
- 1st Degree: ESOB received and opened your membership application email but did not respond.
- 2nd Degree: ESOB sold your email address to spammers.
- 3rd Degree: ESOB sent you an acceptance email (Note: resignation from Toastmasters required).
- 4th Degree: ESOB invited you to lunch/dinner/brinner, or you found of chunk of ambergris on the beach.
- 5th Degree: You were present at the Grand Instauration (June 21, 2009).
- 6th Degree: You were allowed review privileges for the Bacliff Journal of SCIENCE!
- 7th Degree: You were issued an official ESOB smoking jacket.
- 8th Degree: ESOB named a field site or research vessel after you.
- 9th Degree: You have committed an act of space piracy.
(Currently, there are no members higher than the 5th degree).